I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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