sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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