I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize