put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
