I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
