just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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