I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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