Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
3pm strippers are depressing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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