I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
