i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
