just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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