I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
