But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
