Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
