Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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