am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
