god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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