Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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