Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
