God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
