wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
