Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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