if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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