dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize