when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
