i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
