I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
