i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
