I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
