he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize