You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
