: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
