I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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