I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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