I wannas sexs uuuuu
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
