seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
