$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize