i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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