My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
