dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
