when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
