TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
