My liver just broke up with me...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
