yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
