I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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