You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
