I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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