oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
