She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
