Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
