Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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