You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
