I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize