it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
