god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
