guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize