Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
