Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
