I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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