So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can you bring me the toilet please
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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