I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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