so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
