I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
smell my finger.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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