What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize