I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He better not be in your backpack
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize