she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
