nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
