I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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