So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
