youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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