too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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