Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
