yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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