4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
